Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
