OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
