9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he was CRYING into my vagina
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
