What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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