I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
