I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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