We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
