i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
