I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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