Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
