So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Pants are for mortals
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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