CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
