Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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