just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
