Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
