she was so not down for the gang bang
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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