we're blogging at a bar
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
