Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
