he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
