As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My cat gives me a boner
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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