I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
