he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
