Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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