i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
the liver wants what the liver wants
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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