i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
