I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
