Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
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