but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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