i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
