apparently the secret to your success is patron
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Even my vagina gasped.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
