If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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