we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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