i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
