This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
