one two three fourrrrnication!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
