don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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