Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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