This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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