I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
