All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
