You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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