I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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