Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
