hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
