pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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