either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
