Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My pussy is not your playground.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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