yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
