Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
