Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
