I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
