I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
sarcasm needs its own font
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She's the barista slut.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
