we're blogging at a bar
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
