I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
