Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
