The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
