Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
