Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
