But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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